I was going to tell you about our Easter. I was even going to post pictures. Later.
I'm scared. I thought I was okay with this MRI business, but... well, turns out I'm not. Not really.
Tomorrow is imaging day. We will know after tomorrow what our little guy is up against. I guess it's one thing to deal with the delays day by day not really knowing the extent of things until they gradually unfold, giving you time to adjust. It's altogether different when you receive a sudden, in-your-face, irrevocable prognosis that will alter the way you think because you'll know. You'll worry. You'll wonder what it all means.
Could be that he's okay, that I've been worrying for nothing. If that's the case, I will be SO relieved! If not, then undeniable deja vu. Honestly, it's been a long road with Jenna. I know it won't be easy, but we're evolving and adjusting constantly. I am praying for help. I am hoping for the best. God wouldn't give us more than we can handle, I know.
Ironically, though, I'm not as afraid of the diagnosis as I am of myself.
I love my little guy and I don't want anything to be wrong with him. I don't want him to suffer like Jenna has. My kids mean the world to me.
2 comments:
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're going through this all over again. I can only imagine how the uncertainty and the possibilities would be haunting the day before. I don't blame you for being upset and preoccupied this is a scary scary situation and you are totally valid in your feelings, all of them. We all love you all so much and will always support you as best we can, let me know how it goes as soon as you are ready! I'll be thinking of and praying for you.
First of all remember even though you are scared you are never alone you have friends and family and most important god is always with you. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I will be praying for your family. a family that prays together stays together.
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